


Goo of Green, Stealer of Shoes

by BlackIris



Series: 500 Garden Party Extravaganza! [14]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Fluff, Humor, Humorous Ending, Monster Creature Thing, Swearing, goo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-28 14:01:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18757882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackIris/pseuds/BlackIris
Summary: Prompts will be in bold throughout fic:8. “This is the first and LAST time I am giving you permission to punch through the walls.”35. “Damn it, why aren’t you obeying the laws of physics?”40. “Where’s your shoe?” / “The giant mud puddle down the road demanded a sacrifice.”





	Goo of Green, Stealer of Shoes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [McGregorsWench](https://archiveofourown.org/users/McGregorsWench/gifts).



> Oh my gosh, I”VE MISSED WRITING FOR THESE CUTE DORKS!!!  
> Un-beta'd, enjoy!

“Tacky. Have it. Broke it – twice.” Darcy mumbles to herself as she peruses the electronic accessories section, before landing on glittery, ruby red oversized headphones. “Oh! Pretty!”

“Can I help you find anything?”

“Naw, but thanks. I miss just looking at the gadgets. My boss has everything sent in or makes it by hand. . . kinda kills the magic of finding new toys, ya know?”

“Okay. . . well, if you need me, I’m Johnny.”

“Hm, thanks ma dude. I’ll keep it in mind.” Darcy wiggles her fingers in an awkward wave.

As she continues to meander, gasps and whispers reach Darcy’s ears. She looks around curious, a smirk upturning her lips as her eyes land on the culprit. Steve, in his stealth suit of sex, as she likes to call it. Determination sets his face, shield anchored to his back – oh she’d never get tired of seeing this.

“Hey Steve-o! What’s with the little wiggly line between those eyebrows of justice, huh?”

“Are you alright?” Steve asks, placing a hand on her shoulder, ducking to look her in the eyes.

“Yeah, of course, I’m just looking at the toys that Tony says aren’t good enough. What’s with the get up. You do realize you’re in public, right? I mean, unless you’re sleep suiting up. Which,” She pauses looking him up and down, “I totally don’t mind.”

“You’re fine? You didn’t answer your phone.”

“I’m fine. But you’re starting to freak me out.”

“You don’t know do you?” Steve says taking her by the arm and leading her towards the middle of the store.

“Know what Spangly Muscle Man? I forgot my phone.”

“I need your help in getting everyone out of here while we locate a creature that got loose.”

“A creature?”

“It shouldn’t—“

The P.A. system clicks on and an all too familiar voice crackles in the speakers.

“Hello K-mart shoppers.”

“Is that Clint?” Darcy asks, begrudgingly dropping the headphones on a random shelf.

“Excuse me this isn’t—“

“I know, just let me do my thing!”

Steve and Darcy slow to a stop as Clint continues to bicker with a reasonably irritated employee over the speaker system. Darcy arches a brow at Steve, silently asking him is this is all a joke.

“Let’s go get Clint, you know how he can be.”

Steve opens his mouth, ready with a rebuttal or a retort about Clint’s professionalism, when the P.A. system clicks back on.

“Dude, just let me do my job!”

“Dude, just let me do my job!”

“Stop it!”

“Stop it!”

“Alright fine!”

“Alright fine!”

“Everyone could you please evacuate the store in a calm and orderly fashion. There is a giant slime monster making its way here. Thank you.”

“Everyone could you please evacuate the store in a calm and – wait, what!?”

“Yeah. Now get your ass out of the store! Come on man, go!”

“You were saying, Stevie?”

“Never mind, let’s go. When the lady is right—she’s right.”

Just as they begin to move towards the exist, the creature bursts through the floor, leaving a gapping hole to a sketchy looking underground storage room.

“Woah!” Darcy says, eyes as wide as saucers. “You said creature and Clint said slime monster. I don’t mean to be rude to said creature, but I feel slime monster is a little more on the nose; It’s so green!”

“Focus on the color later. Darce, I need you to get the rest of these people out of here. Can you do that?”

“On it!” Darcy squeaks and motions towards the door, using her ‘teacher’ voice she uses when the lab techs need to cool it. “Okay, people, calm and steady. Out ya go! Come on! Everybody out!”

Clint catches up with Steve and shoots arrows around the creature to divert it, slowly changing its course away from the remaining civilians in the store. Darcy directs the last few people out as Steve does a final sweep for civilians.

“That’s the last of them.”

Clint tucks and rolls, landing perilously close to the hole in the floor created by the monster taking up his attention.

“Awesome. But now we’re in between that green thing and the exist.” Darcy says, finally allowing herself to panic. “What do we do now?”

“Clint has the device.”

“What device? Crap, he’s getting awfully close to that – Clint look out!”

“It creates a portal. It’s a prototype; that’s what got us into this mess in the first place.”

“Clint, stop. Clint. Clint, stop. Clint! Clint! CLINT!”

Clint continues walking backwards without looking, firing arrow after arrow to encourage the creature’s movements to a safe distance. Darcy’s chanting of his name goes unheard.

Clint takes another step and slips on a chunk of what was once the floor.

An inarticulate noise comes from Clint as he falls, arms flailing for purchase on the craggy edge to no avail.

“Shit.” Steve curses and runs after Clint’s disappearing form.

The monster roars; its form jiggling and extruding green goo as it advances towards the hole.

Steve slides, catching Clint at the last minute.

“Do I get to go for a ride now, Cap?” Clint chuckles as way of ‘thank you.’

“Three, two, one!” Steve shouts, using his brute strength to fling Clint up and back on solid ground.

“Run!” Darcy shouts ducking behind a large upturned table.

Clint and Steve run, zig zagging through the store, trying to wear the creature out to no avail.

“You know she’s single right?”

“The creature chasing us? No clue. But I can put in a good word for you.”

“If that’s your type.” Clint chuckles, jumping over a table. “I was talking about Lewis.”

“Am I that obvious?”

“Now you’re getting it. Ask her out. She’ll probably say yes.”

“Now?” Steve asks, giving a boost to Clint to climb large shelving units. “You can’t be serious.”

“You have a better time in mind?” Clint asks, looking for the creature and spotting it. “12 o’clock. 11 o’clock. 10. 9.”

“That things moving fast.”

“It’s headed for your girl.”

“Darce!”

Darcy peeks over the table, her face going pale.

“I’m out of arrows.”

“Damn.” Steve sighs. Picking up his shield, he runs towards the creature, dodging to the side at the last minute.

Clint chuckles and jumps off the shelves, running to meet Darcy by her temporary shelter.

“Lewis.”

“Clint.”

“Wanna help us corner this thing?”

“So, you don’t have a plan?”

“Course we do: corner it.”

“Okay how about, the staff office? Those are usually out of the way, with an enclosed space.”

“Perfect! Hey Cap!”

“The office?” Steve grunts with a throw of his shield. “Can’t we do this here?”

“The office is right through that wall.” Clint calls out. “Besides, do you have a better idea?”

“Man with a plan, my ass.” Darcy huffs.

Steve smirks, adjusting his grip on his shield. “You got any plans after this, doll?”

Darcy chuckles and looks from Steve to the wall.

“Steve.”

“Darce?” Steve follows her eyeline and shakes his head ‘no.’

“You could though.”

Steve sighs, and looks around the store finding no clear place to corner the creature.

“If you take my advice, that’s on you bro. But with that said, this is the first and LAST time I am giving you permission to punch through the walls.”

“If you insist.”

“Just get us out of here, please!”

“Is that a ‘yes’?”

“Yes, I’ll gladly go to diner with you if somehow we survive.” Darcy looks down to her shoe-less foot, shaking her head slowly. “I mean, I’d go out with you regardless, but this is one hell of an ask.”

Steve chuckles, and punches through a whole through the wall large enough for them to squeeze through.

Clint runs to a large metal table and turns it on its side. “Hunker down with me, Lewis.”

“It’s not even here yet.” Darcy says, kneeling besides Clint.

Steve crouches behind them, rolling his shoulders to release tension. “Shit. That didn’t take long.” Steve paused, pushing Darcy slightly farther into the upturned table. “It’s here.”

“What do you mean ‘shit’? You took on like twelve dudes in an elevator!”

“How do you know about that?”

“I have my sources.” Darcy had the decency to look guilty, causing Steve to beam that a genuine smile full force at her. “This is one slime monster; what’s the problem?”

Steve hums and stands. “Just had the suit cleaned.”

“Go on Cap, show us how it’s done.” Clint said, tossing Steve the small teleporter that would send the creature back to its dimension.

“Once a show girl, always a show girl.” Steve cheekily replies with a salute to Clint and a wink to Darcy. 

Steve bounds towards the creature, throwing his shield this way and that to back it into a corner.

Darcy watches in awe, “Damn it, why aren’t you obeying the laws of physics?”

‘Magnets.’ Clint signs with a smirk. “It’s magnetic.”

“Magnets. Magnets?” Darcy squeaks. “Magnets don’t account for bad math!”

“Math?”

“Yeah, physics. Physics is math. And that is so not right.” Darcy paused, watching Steve activate the devise and the creature plops through a shining portal. “Hot, but not right.”

Breathlessly Steve walks back with a smile on his face. He reaches out a hand to help Darcy stand. “You ready to go?”

“Yeah.”

“Wait, uh,” Clint nods to Darcy’s feet. “Where’s your shoe?”

Darcy grimaces, standing on one foot, “It’s in the green slime monster.”

Steve’s eyebrows arch towards his hair line, both impressed and curious.

“When it was coming at me earlier, I tried to distract it by throwing my shoe at it. I mean, it kinda worked but it bounced funny and then, poof! Gone. Lodged in a goo monster.”

“Lodged. More like stolen.” Clint laughs, doubling over.

Steve chuckles and scoops up Darcy, caring her bridal style over the rubble.

“Thanks for the assist, doll.”

One all too quiet cab ride later, the trio arrive back at the tower.

Tony stubbles to a halt in the lobby, suppressing a laugh. “Lewis, where’s your shoe?” He asks, ignoring the general chaos that is the rest of their clothes; disheveled and covered in streaks of green slime.

Darcy dead pans, hooking a thumb over her shoulder; “The giant mud puddle down the road demanded a sacrifice.”

“Right.” Tony drawls, tilts his head to the side, eyeing Steve. “Next time you take her on a date – take her some place nice, not one of those escape room things. It’s tacky.”


End file.
